SangkarKata or SangkarPuisi?

Nothing much happening. Just plainlife as it is. Kinda lazy to post these few weeks. Did something. Tried to learn Adobe Indesign CS2 publishing. Bought the software at HP and kinda learn it by myself. Very slow i might say of my progress since i'm not very good with computers and stuff. But i did used it to make like kinda an online magazine. Just stuff from my blogs and i made it into kinda like mag. The main thing is that I just wanna learn design. So i started a wordpress for the supposed mag here where you can download those mags (already, 2 volumes). And i'm thinking of finding other stuffs from frens blogs or site, whatever's cool like stuff they wrote, artworks,photos they snap, anything to fill up the mag other future issue. And i created a network where people can share those stuff or whatever at ning.com, visit PIMPCAGE and become a member, everyone's invited.

oh, the mag is called PIMP which stands for Poetry In Motion Publication.

junxkingaround

Cloudy Girl

Everyday is a walk in the unknown forest
With you is like the sun is hiding
Can’t you open the window and let the light in?
Or just throw the keys here where I’m waiting

Cloudy girl she doesn’t make sense
Sometimes she just kept on raining
I’m clueless like a bird without wings
I’m keeping my faith ever since

Celebrating Big In A Small Way

Hiding myself in a corner of a shelf
This galaxy is too big for me to stay at rest
Pushing myself further into a revolving atmosphere
At last I’m here, I’m here, I’m here
Only to find that I’m nowhere, not there
Falling apart again in cloudy wheather
It’s strange that it seems to comfort
It’s a place where the end is the beginning
Where winning is never the feeling
So here I am again and again
Hoping to find a new place to stay
I’m celebrating big in a small way
Lying flat on the bed with a pray

19th February 2007

Hideout

It’s here where I run to
Where I find my playing ground
My private oasis my shelter of peace
A place where all the world is shut out
Where I sneaked to escape ire
In the cornerspace inside my head
The playhouse which I rambled
Sweet sound sweet melody
I wander I float I fly
Drifting…until the tides diffused

My Night With Moon

Sweet sweet moon is rising
Higher and higher until it hides behind the clouds
On a dark night like this only the lonely will cry
How high is the is the hope and how low is the expectation
How dreary is the waking hours and how painful is the wait

Can it get more darker?
Only the sneaking moon can help
Dim lights through the clouds
One should realized that the moon does not hide
It’s always there shadowed by the dark clouds
Only to appear when the murky clouds passed by
Pushed by the wind of circumstances

Hoping my dark clouds would pass faster
Blown away swiftly by the wind of joy
And let the light shines on and on

Sister Blister

She could be my first line of defense
She could be my concrete alibi
Oh wby oh why oh why
You turn your back at me
I try I try I try
But it never can and will be
I could be your best friend
I could lend you a helping hand

Flood Blood Karma

26/12/06
Dalam Buakan Disember

Siapa yang boleh halang kuasa alam selainNya
Kebarangkalian-kebarangkalian yang di luar kawalan
Walau dikira, dikaji dan dihalusi dari setiap segi dan sisi
Akur sahaja anak-anak Adam dan Hawa

Sedar dan sedia setiap masa
Bukankah kita yang jadi penyebabnya
Secara langsung atau tidak
Kita pengganggu-pengganggu alam
Yang membuat rumah sementara ini seperti hamba

Kitalah perosak, pemusnah dan para parasit
Demi kemodenan dan atas nama revolusi tamadun
Bergegar titik imbang dan kesempurnaan alam
Dirompak, dicabul dan didera oleh tangan-tangan rakus
Yang menghalalkan semua demi kemudahan singkat
Sedikit demi sedikit bumi berdarah

Dan waktu-waktu yang parah hampir tiba
Ketika langit terpecah-pecah berminyak
Bersinar terang merah seperti mawar
Dan alam yang bergelora sepanjang tahun
Sudahkah kita bersedia?

Disember yang tidak disangka di Johor
Aku yang sedang duduk-duduk dan hujan yang masih lebat di luar
Malam yang sejuk yang membuai fikiran
Namun aku belum mampu lena
Ramai yang menderita
Dan masih ada rancangan dendam alam kepada kita
Tapi bukankah itu salah kita semua?

“The cost of living is the cause of death”

Omong

Cakap-cakap yang aku tidak gentar
Esok lusa tulat asyik-asyik perkara yang sama
Tak penat ke lidah kau bergetar?
Tak sakitkah rahang kau bergegar?

Kata-kata yang hampir dusta tak kiralah kalau ada sedikit kebenaran
Umpama makanan yang tersentuh najis walau sedikit
Akan tidak dijamah
Apalagi fakta kau yang bercampur tipu helah

Ikutkan hati aku tidak perlu layan
Ikutkan marah aku tentu akan buat kau sakit
Tapi buat apa melayan omong najis kau
Mendengar cacian dari mulut kau yang longkang
Nanti satu hari kau akan tumbang dan terbongkang

Kalau la bukan dari sebab mulut kau yang selalu cakap sonsang
Dan mungkin bukan oleh aku tapi orang yang kau akan sumbangkan
Mungkin nanti kau sedar akan mulut kau yang celupar
Mengeluarkan kata-kata dusta liar
Dan hari-hari kau akan terus berubah dan penuh dengan penyesalan

“If you’re lying, you’re dying”

My Private Autopsy

Looking into the mirror with a blank stare
Asking questions, “When, how and where?”
“I live today and that’s all that matters”, he answered
The other he would never be satisfied

He would never agree immediately
“What’s the point of living when in fact you’re dying?”
He paused for a few seconds only to answer,
“What’s the point of dying without living the best of your life?”

He let himself fall back to the bed
His eyes closed tight
“I tried, I tried and I tried”
He answered again only in his head,
“So you’ve tried and so does everybody”“So what?!”
“Become better at trying or the best is to become better in doing”
He opened his eyes, his body it felt light
“I will”

“Kesempurnaan hanyalah khayalan, pencarian akan menentukan”

30/12/06

Buaya Banjir

Terlantar di katil hospital
Badan sakit mengeletar
Hilang satu anggota
Hidup pasti menderita

Tangan yang memecahkan kaca kedai
Tangan yang juga pantas menggapai
Harta itu bukan milikmu
Harta itu biarkan di situ

Otak yang yang mahu ambil kesempatan
Walaupun banjir orang kesusahan
Tanpa sedar tanpa kau duga
Hari ini bukan kau yang punya

Sang buaya juga mahukan kesempatan
Sang buaya datang diam-diam membaham
Hukum karma hukum alam hukum tuhan
Tangan hilang buaya hilang dari pandangan

Kau jerit kau pekik kau lolong
Merasa sakit meminta belas meminta tolong
Hilang pandangan gelap kelihatan kau pengsan
Sedar-sedar di hospital terbaring suram

Sang buaya juga tidak hidup lama
Diburu ditangkap dan dibunuh juga
Perutnya di belah hingga terbuka
Dan kelihatan tanganmu menggenggam telefon bimbit nokia

Open Arms

Buka Jiwa Pasti

Apabila terbuka kulit pada badan ini
Dan yang menerjah keluar adalah sinar silau
Hangat indah berkilau
Kau pasti tersenyum
Kau pasti terpegun

Akan ku nyanyikan bait-bait cinta agung
Berdendang irama sesegar angin pagi di gunung sepi
Senyaman air yang mengalir dari punca bumi
Kau pasti riang
Kau pasti girang

Dan jika kau bertanya, Kenapa saat ini?
Kerana inilah waktu yang pasti
Waktu yang mengizinkan harapan bersemi
Aku pasti sedia
Aku pasti setia

A LONG BEBELISM

Hari Terakhir Ketidakwarasan

Hari ini dia dibebaskan dari pusat itu. Setelah bertahun-tahun dikurung kerana tidak cukup sempurna untuk hidup bersama-sama yang lain yang lebih teratur dan bertamadun. Diasingkan supaya lebih selamat kepada sekeliling. Dikaji, diuji dan diubati oleh pakar-pakar psikologi dan jururawat-jururawat bertauliah.

Setelah dia diyakini bahawa telah kembali normal ke dunia yang satu ini dan bukan dimensi tersendiri lagi. Setelah dia diyakini ketawa kerana rasa jenaka yang diucapkan oleh mereka yang waras dan bukan jenaka peribadinya sendiri atau tentang apa-apa yang tidak mereka lihat menggelikan hati. Apabila mendapati dia berkata-kata dalam keadaan yang sedar dalam emosi dan bukan emosi dengan renungan mata yang kosong melihat pada tempat atau benda yang tidak kelihatan. Apabila dia kelihatan menangis dengan sebab yang boleh dimengerti dan boleh dikongsi. Apabila dia berkelakuan senonoh dan dengan ketrampilan bagai seorang manusia patut kelihatan. Apabila dia cukup sempurna di mata mereka-mereka yang gelar mereka waras dan cukup akal.

Dia disahkan telah bebas daripada penjara minda serabutnya. Dia patut dibebaskan juga secara fizikal ke dunia realiti ini.Dia tidak lagi dikongkong oleh rasa pelik dan aneh. Atau yang lebih tepat, dia tidak lagi kelihatan pelik dan aneh.

Dia waras semula. Dia dimengerti dan mengerti. Tentang menjadi manusia seperti yang mana patut manusia bersifat. Tapi belum tentu dia aman. Belum tentu dimensi ini nyaman. Kerana dimensi ini juga penjara bagi yang lalai.

stage/palm/critic

"...the world's a stage.." says william. And how many of us have stage fright? Afraid of what the world has to offer. Fear. Feel trapped. Asking ourselves "Why am I here?" Question unanswered. Life unfulfilled. And contented to be drones, living which is equal to slowly dying. Hoping less pain inflicted. Sometimes forget we are infact dying each day. That's not so positive isn''t it? Well i am not in a postivite mood today, so what?

And how many of us is so brave, commiting stage dive. Taking risks. Not knowing people down there gonna catch us. But we dive anyway. If we fell to the floor it's not the end of our world. Just bruises and scars. Pain. Well pain tells us that we are alive. If we can't feel pain, then we already died. Everything good and meaningful comes with pain. A mother delivers a baby in pain not laughing. Heck, don't you remember, no pain no gain?

A baby born into the world with palm closed, fist to the world. He's the fighter! He's the winner! Or she. Whatever. No he's not crying. He's actually shouting to the world "Yooooo! I'm here man, I'm coming to get you!¨, of course in baby language. We could not dechiper or understand. And his mother cried too. She's happy. He is the new actor on this stage. He will play his roles. Whether he gonna become a hero,villain, samseng koreng, mat rempit, politician, pak pacak, stand up comedian, the jerk, the nerdy kid, the ustaz, the gay, whatever he chooses. There's no script, no director, no make up artist, no nothing. It's an impromptu. You create your own story. Your show. The curtain is open. The spotlight is on you. Action! No edits, no cuts, no CGI, no special effects, no stuntman. Or stuntwoman. Whatever.

And the man died, leaving this world, his stage..with his palms opened. And sometimes with eyes opened. Then we have to close it. Or in citer omputeh, put schillings on 'em. Mata duitan la kiranya. And his mother cried too, if she¡' still alive. Sad.

*****
We are what we chooses to do or not do. If we act stupid, we do things stupidly, then we are defined as stupid. But if we act clever, but still cannot perform in a cleverly (is there such word,excuse me i'm stupid) manner, people can say we are morons acting clever. Right me if i'm wrong. Wrong me if i'm right. What can i do, i'm confused.

But then there are the critics. They will say things based on assumptions, assessments, their way of thinking, their benefits or other people benefits, their tasks,their options, their opinions. And who are they to judged others. Beats me. Critics are everywhere. There are silent critics. People critic people, judging in their mind's eye without verbal notification. Simultaneously. I guessed it's natural. We are equipped with the tools to critic. Sometimes it's automatic. But you know what, a wiseman once said, well actually i read it, so he doesn't actually say to me, nevermind. He said, well it reads, "If you don't like critics, do nothing and be nothing¨. Correct him if he is wrong, don't worry, he can handle critics.

Inside Drama

INTERNAL CONFLICT : PART ONE

I : Kenapalah hidup ini susah sangat?!

II : Siapa yang cakap hidup mesti senang hah?!

I : Bukan apa. At least bagilah aku warning ke, sign ke¡Ksakitlah macam gini selalu.

II : Ko ni tak reti-reti sabar ke? Tahan sikit. Be a man. Hold on.

I : Otak aku ni dah sakit lah bodo! Pikir benda-benda ni semua. Dah lama aku sabar. Ko paham tak pressure? Pressure? Ko la bodoh!

II : Kalau aku bodoh, ko lagi bangang. Aku kan ko.

I : Ahh! Diamlah sekejap!

II : Aku tak boleh diam selagi kau bernafas. Selagi ko waras. Selagi ko terfikir dan berfikir. Selagi ko mengelamun.

I : Ko ni memang tak paham bahasa. Aku cuma minta sedikit ruang. Sedikit time. Untuk tenang. Boleh tak?

II : Jangan tanya aku. Aku tak control aku. Kau yang control aku. Lalalalalalalala..

I : Damn! Sukati ko lah. God, I just need a break.

II : Why don't you go breakdancing. Might help a little. Hehe.

I : You don't know to fuckin shut the fuck up don't you? Arghhhhh....

II : Don't you know that if aku shut down means that ko dah shut down jugak? Kiok?

I : What if I like it to be like that? And how do you know that? Who told you?

II : Yeah you're right. I don't know. But it's a good guess isn't it?

I : Whatever! Kenapalah makbapak aku tak bitau sebelum lahir hidup ni susah sangat? Mengapa?

II : Teruslah mengeluh dan mengeluh. Bagus sangat lah tu¡K

I : Eh, ko ni dahlah tak bagi moral support. Memekak jer! Tolonglah pikir jalan. Ko kan cakap tadi kalau aku mampos ko pun mampos sama. Bodoh! Ko nak mati ker?

II : Err..taknak.

I : Dah tu? Bising jer.

II : Yek elehh!marah lah tu. Sorii¡...gurau jer.

I : Gurau tak kena tempat. Pandai!

II : Hehe. Macam tulah, cakap aku pandai, maknanye ko pun pandai jugak.

I : Bengang! Bengang! Bengang! Masalah tak henti. Kenapa dengan aku ni? Aku dah check satu badan takde pun chop "born loser" kat mana-mana. Things just seem not to go my way!

II : No comment.

I : Yes and I like it to be that way. Forever! Please.

II : Eleh..

I : Ko tau tak, aku belum nak mengalah sebenarnya. Aku cume bosan. Bosan sangat. Aku nak buat banyak sangat tapi yang datang halang pun banyak sangat. Aku tau. Sabar, sabar, sabar. Tu yang aku cakap selalu. Tu yang orang lain pun cakap kat aku. Tapi orang lain tak lalui apa yang aku lalui. Orang lain bukan aku.

II : hmm..teruskan emo therapy ko ni.

I : Do you know that you're a pain in the ass?

II : Yeah!vent out the anger. Teruskan..teruskan...

I : I would appreciate if just stay there and be quiet please.

II : Eleh.. You said to help, so I was helping you just now.

I : Excuse you. If I need help on emo and stuff, I would go to the professional, for you and me. Got it?

II : Got it, Mr. Know-it-all-but-kinda-sick-right-now.

I : Thanks Mr. Big Mouth. Now where was I just now? See you make me lose focus.

II : You should thank me. I'm taking your focus out of the problems. You should focus on solutions instead. Ways to get out of the mess we are in.

I : Maybe you're right. That's one good thing you said for today.

II : Yeah yeah...thank me later when you are not insane.

I : And you said "we" too.

II : I've told you we are one. No matter how insane you are and how brilliant I am.

I : Just as I was beginning to like you and you start it again. You like that don't you? Intimidating me? You get pleasure isn't it? You sick bastard.

II : It's part of my job. I'm here to answer you questions. To be the other side of the thought process. The other view of the story. Doesn't mean I'm right or wrong, but that's the way it goes. Whether you like it or not, it's up to you.

I : You know what? I don't remember you when I was younger. Where were you then mate?

II : That time you're not insane. Hahahahahhaha....

I : Fuck you!

THE BATTLE RAGES ON : PART 2

I : My head is getting heavier and the neck is getting stiffer¡Ksleep is not applicable. Masih tak faham. Kenapa and mengapa hidup ini mesti susah? Eh, kenapa dan mengapa ni dua benda yang berbeza ker?

II : Sama jer maknanya. Tu pun nak tanya ker?

I : Making sure la ngok.

II : Yang tak sama tu ejaan je. Lebih dari itu aku tak tahu. But maybe ada reason tersendiri. Maybe..

I : So you are not sure right?

II : I told you that already, didn't you hear?

I : Arghh forget it. Tak penting! Soalan utama tadi, kenapa hidup susah sangat?!

II : Aku tak perlu jawab tu. Ko tanya soalan yang terlalu subjektif. Pada orang lain mungkin beza jawapannya.

I : Aku tak nak jawapan untuk orang lain. Aku nak jawapan untuk aku.

II : Payah lah. Ko pun tahu aku ni sebahagian ko. Aku pun ada limited sources.

I : Takpe aku tak perlu jawapan ko pun. Aku rasa soalan tu pun dah jadi tak penting sekarang. Yang penting sebenarnya adalah macamana nak keluar dari susah ni. Tak perlu tahu kenapa!

II : Eh, omputeh kan ada cakap, if you need to settle things, go to the root of the problems.

I : Omputeh bukan semua betul ko tau? Apa yang best sangat omputeh tu yang ko bangga-banggakan hah? Apa kurangnya melayu? Ko tu bukan melayu? Kalau melayu asyik negatif terhadap melayu, sapa nak pertahankan melayu? Lama-lama melayu terus layu.

II : Aku bukan bangga-bangga, aku just quote je. Salah? So sentitif.

I : Bukan apa. Aku tahu melayu tak perfect. And melayu banyak tersasar. Melayu pun human, tend to become stupid once in a while and makes mistake. Tapi banyak sangat aku nampak dan dengar, melayu kutuk melayu. Yang tepuk tangan, mulut ternganga-nganga ketawa besar, bangsa lain. Dorang sebut padan muka, gaduh lagi, bagus! Bagus! Siapa yang rugi? Anak bangsa sendiri.

II : Ye ye. Faham faham. Aku dengar.

I : Tu lah, orang cakap, taknak dengar. Pergi mampos la ko ni.

II : Eleh, pagi-pagi bute ni nak bebel je. Mana tak pening kepala.

tbc...when i'm insane again..

Renewal

Blog ni dah tak diupdate sekian lama atas sebab2 yang sengaja aku malas cakap sebab cakap pon tak guna per. Ni aku update la ni. Dah diam jangan ckp banyak lagi....

Fall
This is where and when everything feels so right
The time that never seems to pass
Feelings that always on a high note
The place to be whatever it may be
You are always there
You are everywhere
Even in darkness
Or far away somewhere in nowhere
But here is where I want to be
In this bliss territory
Falling helplessly gracefully inside your heart
The time it never seems to pass
Feelings that always on cloud nine
To feel I'm yours and you are mine

Mosh05

Juz" A Peek!

First of all, Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri To All!Maafkan kalau ade terkasar bebel di ruangan ini atau di kotak-kotak komen kaorang...

D3 & MEAMI -KORANG TAK BAYO BIL TEL. KE DAH TUKO NO ??? Wa telepon banyak kali!erkkkk...

NONGCHA - aku sms ko, tak seribalaspun, aku nak telepon ko takut kopun kena charge n ko taksuke,maklumla spore 2,2kena charge..neway,hope u r ok!

Lama aku tak membebel kat c ni,reason: sibuk giler!takyah cerita la...
neway, aku malas nak blog anything..aku paste je short story yg aku scribble 2 minggu lepas...caloo..

BOY!O'BOY!

This is a story about a boy who lost his way in search for a place in the heart of the world. He seeks beauty yet beauty is nowhere in sight. He searches happiness but happiness failed to appear. He looked out for a companion only to find solitude. Where did he gone wrong? He thought.

Empty handed; he continues his journey. His mind wandered as swift as his feet takes him further to the end of the world. He stopped to watch the birds. And thought; how it would be great if he could fly like the bird. Soaring high above in the sky. Touching the clouds and sits on top of the mountain.

Then his eyes looked at the sea. How big and vast the waters are. How it could fill the earth and spread the reflection of the sky so beautifully like a huge mirror. Then he wished he were the sea. To as be big and strong. As he watches and amazed at the waves of the sea, he felt a cool breeze upon his face and body.

Then he told himself, would it be nice if he were the wind. It would be better than being a bird. He would be invisible. He would go anywhere in the world without anyone seeing him He would go as high or higher than the birds and blow the trees and the sea.

And then he saw the sun. How powerful the sun is; he thought. Why am I not the sun? he thought. He would shine so bright and makes the rainbow after the rain. But then he thought, when it's night then the sun would disappear and gone. He wouldn't want that. He doesn't want to be replace by the moon. He sighs.

His eyes gazed at the mountain afar. So majestic and beautiful; he thought. Not like here where he is standing. He then closed his eyes and pictured himself flying like the bird soaring to the mountain. How beautiful is the sea underneath him. He could see his own reflection on the surface. He sees wings spread wide and the sparkles in the waters below. He could also see some fishes swimming around.

He feels the wind blowing against his face and the resistance uplifts his body. He looked up and saw the sun smiling at him. The warmth of the sun and the ray lights his way. And then he flew over and through the rainbow. What a wonderful feeling!

As he nears the peak of the mountain, he felt eager to reach it. The wonderful sight that he seen from the beach. The beautiful place he flew from far to see and feel. But then as he reaches the top, he eyes saw nothing but rocks, small bushes and some snow. This is not the splendor I saw from below; he told himself. This is so ordinary. Nothing special.

He felt disappointed. He sat on the rocks with his hands on his head looking down. He suddenly felt the cold that the peak present. He also felt the loneliness there.
He lifted his head and watch straight at the place where he flew from. He stared and told himself, "What a beautiful sight!" . And he suddenly realized that before this, that place was just common as common as where he sits now. But now, it turns to be a sight to look at.

He asks himself, "What is beautiful?"

He opened his eyes and sees that he is still there. He didn't fly to the mountain. He was never the bird that flown across the sea and soared high in the clouds. He was never the wind, the sun or even the moon.

But for a moment before, he was everything. He was free. He was everywhere. And that was beautiful!

Feeding My Insanity

Come inside, join me
Feed my insanity
Hold my hand, look at me
I¡¦m your reality
Watching the days that never ends
Playing god in the small silent world
Working out the curves and the bends
Falling deeper, twisting further, swirls
Feel the joy, laugh with me
We are hungry
Heed the words, let them be
Now can you see?
Living inside a cruel box
Tasting life that never reached
Faking death to make it stop
No more time to burn the brigde

Life in Mono

Today, i rest my mind from the big things in life.
At least what i think is big in my life.
I miss the small things that i used to do.
The small things that are great in personal satisfaction.
I¡¦m taking some time off today to do some of those things.
*********************************************
Kadang-kadang manusia yang bernama kawan ni meminta lebih
daripada apa yang dia patut terima. Dalam ketaksedaran itu, mereka
terlupa akan tanggungjawab timbal balik yang mereka patut beri.
Dan pihak yang satu lagi yang bernama kawan juga akan terpaksa
memberi ruang-ruang tolak ansur dan memenuhkan pula ruangan
sabar pada diri mereka. Tetapi kesabaran ada hadnya, dan kesabaran
itu sendiri perlu bernafas sebelum tenggelam semula ke dasar tolakansur.
*************************************************
Kenapa orang suka nengok rancangan realiti?

Aku rasa..
1) Manusia sememangnya kepoh dan ingin tahu hal orang lain.
2) Escapism
3) Berkongsi kejayaan orang lain

Kenapa orang produce rancangan realiti tv?
1) Buat duit
2) Buat duit
3) Buat duit banyak lagi

Idea2 realiti show aku..
1) Aksi2 dan muka2 artis malaysia dan dunia tengah meneran dalam
tandas dan korek idung.
Bayangkan muka CT atau Kak Pah, atau JLo, atau Maya Karin.
Menarik bukan?
2) King of Sausages Eater.
Bayangkan pertandingan makan sosej oleh kakitangan Jakim untuk
mencari Juara makan sosej kebangsaan.

Pro Mrs.

They say too much of a good thing would kill you. Hmm..maybe it's true.
What about too much of a bad thing? Would it give life?
The question is, what kind of life?

*************************************************
Corporate collar tags that pulls you here and there.
Buys your pain and fries your brain.
I'm tired of the game. Now i'm playing on the other end.

**************************************************
These few days sucked the life of me.
Chasing time and no space for breathing.
It's the promise I've made to myself and the people who trust.
I cant back out now, it's too early.
I need energy, I need protein. I need Carb. I need water.
I need emo shelter.
"Nothing is too small to know and nothing is too big to attempt"¨- William Van Horne.

Da N

The end is near. It's been said over and over. Heard it like a gazillion times.
Like a busted amp, buzzing endlessly from the mouths of the know-it-all.
The cycle never breaks. It's spinning and spinning as I type this entry.
As the saying, "Ending is a new beginning". A beginning to whatever.
Whence? and whither? Questions that needs constant learning.
Sometimes I asked myself, "Am I living a dream? or am I living my dream?"
I choose to live it, after some thinking. I believe in the power of a dream.
I choose to be a dreamer than stuck in the rat race for nothing.
Am I happy? Well, sometimes I'm sad. And that's the beauty of it all.
You need to feel the bad times to appreciates the good times.
*************************************************************

All I want is a piece of peace..

give and take..

for the sake of all human beings..

forever..

"I think, therefore I exist" - forgot who said this, but somebody famous and died many many years ago I'm sure.

Marnee

Man made money. Create the system. Safeguard the value.
And suddenly, it becomes religion to most people.
Slave to their own invention. Money becomes God.
People work their ass to the grave for money.
It should be the other way around. It's a constant battle for me.
I'm in war for myself. The system should work for me.
People in the past worshipped tombs and religious objects.
People now worships their new God, TV, PC,cars, football, etc.
Getting suck in is very easy, getting out is a struggle.
**************************************************


"People who works for money and gets paid for money alone is always underpaid.
Money is necessary, but the big prize in life cannot be measure by dollars and cents"

Rekuperit

Sickness is not a friend to those who not know why.
A drug is an angel in time of need.
Taste dissapears.
Recuperating.
****************************************

I don't blame people who can't see my reality.
I don't hate them for their lack of interest and knowledge.
I understand that we are not living in the same reality.
Our dimensional size of thought and vision are different.
But we can live in the same world, breathe the same air.
Share a spot and a common space to eat and breed.
We need not to challenge each other for supremacy.
We can learn to live together.
Feed on each other.

lock n' loll

Sometimes night or day seems the same to me
It only tells that the earth has complete a spin, circle or whatever
It only tells me that times moved and moving further

Night doesn't mean sleep to me
Day doesn't mean awake to me
Coz' I can sleep all day if I want to
And be up all night if I like to

Falling

The hardest thing about going up and staying on top is falling down
The painful thing about falling down is getting up and about again
The difficult thing about getting up is doing it all over again
The tiring thing about doing it again is facing the obstacles again and again

But the most important thing about falling down is learning to be humble
Teaches pain equals gain, failure is temporary defeat and the past does not equals the future
The priceless experience of going through the challenges and the birth of new hope
Teaches dreams are what makes me human, makes me worth more than just flesh and bones

I'll be like water from top of hills and mountains
I'll flow and flow, never give in and give out
Around the roots and rocks, below and above the soils,
All the way to where I want to be, Where I should be
On the feet of the hills and mountains, on the head of the river and streams
Flowing and flowing into the Sea Of Hope and Dreams

Distress Mode

My sleeping pattern changes. And so does my moods. Mood swings? tah!,it's been two weeks, consuming less food, sleeps late, very late,after watching Indon channel (that's the only channel screening)hit the sack around 6.30am,pengsan,waking up blurred,like dead tv,fuzzy,dizzy,whats wrong with me??

Nevertheless, my pen moves.. and moving..

Penawar Kalbu 5.05am 4/2/05

Akukah ini yang semakin hilang
dalam igauan halunisasi silam
mendambakan harapan janji-janji palsu
idaman hampa, kosong dan sia
Mencari sinar pelukan hangat
dari sisa-sisa mimpi semalam
Kini berteduh di tenda duka
Menanti saat menjelang datang
bahtera makna melayarkanku pergi
ke wilayah asing tetapi damai
Setenang bayu berhembus segar
ku pasrah, ku terima, ku syukuri
ku kenali sanubariku sendiri
Yang hilang bukan aku lagi
Yang jelang datang menganti
menyerap ke jiwa, menusuk ke hati
mengisi ruang kalbu yang gering
penawar lara, pengubat duka dan luka
Engkau yang satu, Engkau yang suci

Ada Lagi Aku 5.45am

Kotak fikir sempit dan menyesakkan
Lemas, cemas, peluh mengalir
Penat, lelah, getir dan bisa
Berhenti bukan perintah mudah
Kawalan kabur, pening dan pusing
Berputar, berputar, tiada imbangan
Udara semakin nipis, harapan tipis
Yang tebal hanya sakit dan perit
Sesak, tegang mencari pegangan
Mana pergi waras dan logika?
Gelap, keliru dan menakutkan
Mencari, mengumpul saki tenaga
untuk terus dalam sedar akal
Masaku belum tiba lagi
Banyak kerja belum selesai
Misi gagal bukan pilihan
Ada lagi masa, kata hati
Ada lagi!, jerit otak
Ada lagi!, sahut jiwa
Aku percaya
Aku percaya

Dead Poet Society

Takde masa blog banyak2 keje banyak semalam tokleh tido pen bergerak2, membebel jadilah kat bawah..

Tenggelam 26.01.05 5.37am
Aku terbang ke bintang jauh
Aku bisik ¡¥tuk menumpang sinar
Walau sekejap tapiku rela
Dari dekat menanggung seksa
Aku tegur bulan mengambang
Bicara sejenak tentang dunia
Tiada indah katanya di mata
Jika jiwa tak sampai pun jua
Aku tahan angin di awan
Berlalu tanpa ku dihirau dia
Tidak kelihatan tapi ku rasa
Hendak ku sapa hilang suara
Lalu ku genggam tanah di tangan
Baru ku sedar ke atas angan
Aku jejaki dataran nan sepi
Menyusuri alam tiada bertepi
mencari erti sebuah mimpi

Drive

I love driving. Driving in a certain comfortable and good condition gives me pleasure. Joy. It gives me a certain feel of freedom and superiority. Superiority over time and distance. Sometimes it feels like flying. With the wind in my ace and hair. With the sound of radio friendly tunes coming off from the stereo. Alone in control in the driver's seat. Right hand on the steering and the left on the gear shift. With the Rayban on the face. Singing and sometimes lip-synching to the songs blasted from the radio. I'm in control. I'm free for the moment. A comfortable and good condition means that the car is in well condition. The road is not conjested. Traffic is moving smoothly. The wheather is good ( I don't like driving in the rain). Most important is that i'm not in a hurry or late to somewhere or for something.

I hate bad roads. Potholes, uneven tar, poor signages and lines, bad roadlights or worse no roadlights or light reflectors. I hate disfunctional trafic lights. I hate bad drivers. Those that drives with their butss on their heads and brains (if they got any) on their buns. Drivers with no sense of safety or politeness to fellow roadmembers. Who wants to show off or prove something on the roads and at the same time endagering others. The only thing they proved is their stupidity and the lack of brain power. They are dangerous and reckless. I hate bikers that have their bike's tail light off. Either the light bulb blows or they deliberately turn it off. It's hard to see them in the night, especially when the the highway is poorly lit. And they worn dark clothings and no light reflector stickers on their helmets.

I do not understand their negligence for their safety. A speeding truck, lorry or bus or even a car could easily hit them. Their life is like a timebomb. More like a booby trap or a landmine waiting for someone to step on. Or seamines waiting for a ship or a vessel to hit it. And when it did, BOOM!! A tragedy. They and the hitters becomes just another statistic numbers and digits.

I do not want o add to the figures and statistics. I don't want to be eaten by steel collisions. I just wanna fly safely in my car, humming my favorite songs and arrive at my selected destinations.

Babbles N Bubbles of The World....

Babbles N Bubbles Of The World

Yesterday was excellent! Met new friends and strengthened old ones. Finishing the day, going home a little bit early. Took a bath and reads the Straits Times. Once a week I will read the papers. Although I don't like to read the papers because I think they are full of fabricated stories and unhealthy for my mind. But nevertheless I have to read it just to get around peoples, especially new people that I will meet throughout my career. It helps me to start off a conversation or simply to get closer to them.

I will try to read everything, front to back. From politics, current issues, local or international, sports, arts and believe me, the classified ads. But I usually skipped financial news, shares and stuffs. Don't know why, but I little headache reading them.

There's a report on Singaporean couples that are too tired to have sex. Why does this report catch my eye? Well, it will be useful for me to jot down this statistics and surveys in my notebook as I could use this issues in my upcoming speeches. By the way, I love statistics and surveys right now. I found it interesting to use in public speaks and people like to hear stories that are related to them. It adds spice to my talks too.

Now back to the surveys. They interviewed 200 married couples and found out that 75% of them have sex once a week. Most of them said that due to their career or job demands, coming off late from work, they are too tired to have sex. Now this survey is important because it could tell us why the birth rate in Singapore is low. In 2003, the statistics shows that there were only 35,000 babies born. Meaning a birth rate of 1.25 per women. The ideal birth rate should be 2.1 per women just to enough to replace the republic population of 3.2 million people. One women interviewed said that she don't want any children and describe them as parasites which suck their host. And I thought to myself, who does not like babies?! They're cute and lovely. Crazy women! Bet she doesn't get 'it' enough, that's why she's like that! Hahaha.

I remember another statistic. It is reported that 3 females are molested each day and 1 is raped every 3 days in Singapore. Now, I don't have anything against the males of Singapore or it's citizen or the republic itself or implying anything about the safety of females in the island. I do have friends and relatives there. And I also think that if we looked to the surveys and statistics in other countries around the world, it would be just the same figure and numbers. So what does this statistics tells me then you asked?

Well, I thought, why not it is the other way around? I mean 3 men are molested each day and 1 is raped every 3 days. Hahaha. I'm kidding (Now, you're thinking I'm some sort of a pervert or what!). O.k, but seriously, I thought to myself, what the hell is this world turning into?! I mean someday, I will hopefully, have a wife (or wives, hehe) and daughters of my own, and how are their safety if this situation are not prevented or looked into seriously now. What is the future in stored for my generations? I could only pray right now and I will think some way later.

Other interesting news, a woman died of starvation. Not the usual no food starvation though. She was a health food conscious manic, she only consumes foods which contains no artificial coloring, ingredients, MSG, low fat, etc. So when she couldn't find those 'healthy' foods, the stupid women eventually found dead. I chat about this with my friend and he shared a real story of his friend who is kind of the same league with this women. He told me how this friend of him, who is afraid of having high blood pressure. This guy will not eat salty food and stuff. The good news is he didn't get high blood pressure, but the bad news is he got low blood pressure, which is kind of the same and lethal as high blood pressure. Hahaha. Another case of a hypochondriac I guessed! I think we should not be too afraid or too choosy with the food we consume although I agreed that a well balanced meals and daily exercise is good to maintain god health. And not to mention staying away from cigarettes, drugs, alcohol and keeping an active and healthy lifestyle.
I mean our body system already have its own detox system to put away bad things that comes with the food we eat. That's why there are there. Like the kidney, liver and stuff.

That's why we are equipped with them. So just enjoy food and life. And I think that an extreme mind is a sign of an unhealthy person. We should not be an extremist in health conscious. We will deprive ourselves of enjoying what life offers us and we will life with constant fear, which ultimately is a sign of mental illness.

The life average potency for males in Malaysia is 67 years old and females with 75 years old. So basically men dies early. That's kind of scary isn't it? But we men have ourselves to blame. I mean men dies early because we are more of a smoker that women. We drive more recklessly than women. We worked in high-risk jobs or involved in high-risk activities than women. There are more male drugs addicts and alcoholics than women. The list is long. So hurrah for the women! But I think women also contributed to the early death of men. Such as hearing their bitching and constant nagging. Hahaha. Not to mention bad driving ethics that gets to men nerves. Which drives us mad and getting our blood high. Too much shopping that burns the pockets of their husbands. More blood pressure! Hahaha.

Another world surveys showed that optimists lives longer that pessimists more that 60%.
Means that people who are always sad, depressed, no goals in life and of course with the not looking for anything more in life or future and kind of suicidal attitude lived a shorter life. So the more reason to become an optimist than a pessimist right?

But another unrelated report says that the life expectancy for humans is going to be around 150 years in the near future. Wow, wow, wow. I always think that I will live that long myself. Hehe. Yup, I'm an optimist. They said that due to the improvement in areas such as food preparations, medicines, technologies and health and environmental awareness now and years to come, we humans would live longer. Let's pray to that!

But I guess the best medicine or solution to preserve life and peace in the world we live in today is of course an element that is so simple yet so hard to comply and practice. This element is of course is just one part of the solution but I think is one of the most important ones. It is called the value of TOLERANCE. If all practices it, I think there won't be wars, civil wars, no racism, and everybody can live in peace and harmony. And not only that they will look out for each other. The second element would be, CO-OPERATION. This element existed in our self, in our body. Of the many, the important one is the co-operation between our sub-conscious mind and conscious mind, which ensures the function of our brain and body. And the second is existed (or should be) in the form of co-operation between human to another human. This two element can save us and the world we live in.

All in all, it's hard to change the world or even other people towards the realization of this two element. But I think it's easier to change us. If we change, then maybe the world will change. So we need not to change others, it's hard, let's change ourselves first.

We are each an atom or molecules that become this world. Let's start with you. And do take note that technologies won't save us alone. Faith, goodwill and elements mentioned above will be needed hand in hand. I hope.